Exploring strap on play can open up exciting new dimensions of intimacy, pleasure, and connection for couples of all orientations. Whether you're curious about role reversal, want to explore penetrative play regardless of anatomy, or simply wish to add variety to your intimate experiences, choosing the right strap on dildo and harness combination is essential for comfort, confidence, and satisfaction. This comprehensive guide will walk you through everything you need to know to select the perfect strap on sex toys for your needs.
Understanding Strap-On Basics
A strap on is a harness system designed to hold a dildo securely in place, allowing the wearer to engage in penetrative play hands-free. The setup typically consists of two main components: the harness (which wraps around the wearer's body) and the dildo (which attaches to the harness). Together, these strap ons create a versatile tool for exploration, pleasure, and intimacy that transcends traditional limitations.
Strap on play isn't limited to any particular sexual orientation or gender identity. People of all backgrounds use strap ons for various reasons: couples where one partner lacks a penis, those interested in pegging (when a woman penetrates a male partner anally), lesbian and queer couples, individuals exploring power dynamics, or anyone simply wanting to experiment with new sensations and experiences.
Types of Strap-On Harnesses
The harness is the foundation of your strap on experience, and choosing the right style significantly impacts comfort, stability, and confidence during use. Understanding the different harness types will help you select the best option for your body and intended activities.
Jock-Style Harnesses
Jock-style harnesses feature a waistband with two leg straps that wrap around the upper thighs, resembling athletic supporters. This design offers excellent stability and control, making it ideal for vigorous activity. The open-back design provides easy access to the wearer's genitals, allowing for simultaneous stimulation. Jock-style harnesses work well for most body types and are particularly popular for their secure fit and minimal material coverage.
Brief-Style Harnesses
Brief-style harnesses look similar to underwear, with full coverage in the front and back. They typically feature a waistband and leg openings but provide more coverage than jock-style options. These harnesses offer a comfortable, familiar feel and can be particularly appealing for those who prefer more coverage or want something that feels less "gear-like." Some brief-style harnesses include pockets for vibrators, adding extra stimulation for the wearer.
G-String or Thong-Style Harnesses
G-string harnesses feature minimal material with a waistband and a thin strap that runs between the legs. This style offers maximum skin-to-skin contact and can be particularly comfortable for extended wear. The minimal design also makes them less bulky under clothing, which some people appreciate for role-play scenarios or simply aesthetic preferences.
Corset or Lingerie-Style Harnesses
These decorative harnesses combine functionality with aesthetic appeal, often featuring lace, satin, or other luxurious materials. Corset-style harnesses can extend up the torso, creating a visually striking appearance while providing excellent support. These options are perfect for those who want their strap on to feel like an extension of intimate apparel rather than purely functional equipment.
Strapless Strap-Ons
Strapless designs feature a bulb that the wearer inserts vaginally, which holds the external dildo in place through pelvic floor engagement. While these don't technically use straps, they're marketed as strap-ons and offer a unique experience. They require strong pelvic floor muscles and may not provide the same stability as traditional harnesses, but they allow for more intimate contact and can stimulate the wearer internally during use.
Choosing the Right Dildo for Your Strap-On
Selecting the appropriate dildo is just as important as choosing your harness. The right strap on dildo should match your experience level, your partner's preferences, and your intended activities. Browse our comprehensive collection of dildos to explore the wide variety of options available.
Size Considerations
For beginners, starting smaller is almost always the better choice. A dildo that's 4-6 inches in length and 1-1.5 inches in diameter provides a comfortable introduction to strap on play without overwhelming either partner. You can always size up later as you gain experience and confidence. Remember that the wearer cannot feel the dildo directly, so controlling a larger size requires practice and communication.
Consider both length and girth when selecting size. Length determines how deep penetration can go, while girth affects the feeling of fullness. Many people find that girth has a more significant impact on sensation than length, so don't assume that longer automatically means better.
Shape and Design
Dildos come in countless shapes, from realistic to abstract. For strap on use, consider these design elements:
Realistic vs. Non-Realistic: Realistic dildos feature anatomical details like veins, heads, and testicles, while non-realistic options offer smooth, curved, or uniquely shaped designs. Choose based on personal preference and comfort level. Some people find realistic designs more arousing, while others prefer the aesthetic neutrality of abstract shapes.
Curved vs. Straight: Curved dildos can target specific areas like the G-spot or prostate more effectively. A gentle upward curve often works well for strap on play, as it naturally aligns with the body's anatomy during penetration.
Base Design: Ensure your chosen dildo has a flared base or is specifically designed for harness use. The base needs to be wide enough to prevent the dildo from slipping through the harness O-ring while remaining comfortable against the wearer's body.
Material Selection
Body-safe materials are non-negotiable. Silicone is the gold standard for strap on dildos due to its non-porous nature, durability, flexibility, and ease of cleaning. Silicone dildos can be fully sterilised by boiling, making them ideal for shared use between partners. Other acceptable materials include glass and stainless steel, though these are firmer and may be less forgiving for beginners.
Avoid jelly, rubber, or PVC materials, as these are porous and can harbour bacteria even after cleaning. They may also contain harmful chemicals like phthalates.
Harness and Dildo Compatibility
Not all harnesses work with all dildos, so understanding compatibility is crucial before making your purchase. Most harnesses use an O-ring system, where the dildo's base fits through a ring that holds it in place. O-rings come in various sizes, typically ranging from 1.5 to 2 inches in diameter.
Many quality harnesses include multiple O-ring sizes or feature interchangeable rings, allowing you to use different dildos with the same harness. When shopping, check that your chosen dildo's base diameter matches your harness's O-ring size. Some harnesses use a different attachment system, such as a pouch or sleeve, so always verify compatibility before purchasing.
Features to Look for in Quality Strap-Ons
Adjustability
Look for harnesses with multiple adjustment points at the waist and legs. Bodies come in all shapes and sizes, and a properly fitted harness should feel secure without being uncomfortably tight. Adjustable straps ensure you can achieve the perfect fit, which is essential for control and comfort during use.
Material Quality
Harness materials should be durable, comfortable against skin, and easy to clean. Common options include:
Leather: Durable, attractive, and develops character over time. Requires special care and cannot be fully sterilised. Vegan leather alternatives offer similar aesthetics with easier maintenance.
Nylon or Fabric: Machine washable, affordable, and comfortable. May stretch over time but generally very practical for regular use.
Silicone or Rubber: Waterproof, easy to clean, and hypoallergenic. Can be more expensive but offers excellent hygiene and durability.
Comfort Features
Padding at pressure points, particularly where straps contact the waist and thighs, significantly improves comfort during extended sessions. Soft backing behind the O-ring area protects the wearer's pubic area from friction. Some harnesses include removable padding that can be washed separately, which is a practical feature for maintaining hygiene.
Getting Started: Tips for First-Time Users
Communication is Key
Before introducing strap on play, have an open conversation with your partner about desires, boundaries, and concerns. Discuss what you both hope to experience, establish safe words or signals, and agree to check in regularly during your first experiences. Clear communication builds trust and ensures both partners feel comfortable and respected.
Practice Makes Perfect
The wearer should spend time alone with the strap on before partnered play. Practice walking, moving your hips, and getting a feel for the dildo's position and movement. This solo practice builds confidence and helps you understand how to control the dildo, as you cannot feel it directly the way you would your own body.
Try thrusting motions in front of a mirror to see how your movements translate to dildo motion. This visual feedback is invaluable for developing control and understanding the mechanics of strap on use.
Start Slow and Use Plenty of Lubricant
Generous lubrication is essential for comfortable strap on play. Unlike biological penises, dildos don't self-lubricate, so apply plenty of water-based lubricant to both the dildo and the receiving partner. Reapply as needed throughout your session.
Begin with gentle, shallow penetration and gradually increase depth and intensity based on your partner's feedback. The receiving partner should guide the pace, especially during initial experiences. Remember that the wearer cannot feel what the receiver feels, so verbal communication and physical cues are essential.
Experiment with Positions
Some positions work better than others for strap on play, particularly when you're learning. Missionary allows for face-to-face intimacy and easy communication. Doggy style often provides good angles and depth control. Spooning offers gentle, intimate penetration with less intensity. Experiment to find what works best for your bodies and preferences.
Enhancing the Experience
Add Vibration
Many harnesses feature pockets or spaces where you can add a bullet vibrator to stimulate the wearer during use. This addition can significantly enhance the wearer's pleasure and create a more mutually satisfying experience. Some dildos also come with vibrating features that can stimulate both partners.
Incorporate Foreplay
Don't rush straight to penetration. Build anticipation through foreplay, allowing both partners to become fully aroused. The receiving partner should be thoroughly relaxed and aroused before penetration begins, which makes the experience more comfortable and pleasurable.
Explore Power Dynamics
For many couples, strap on play offers opportunities to explore power exchange, role reversal, or dominance and submission dynamics. If this interests you, discuss boundaries and desires beforehand, and remember that all play should be consensual and enjoyable for everyone involved.
Care and Maintenance
Proper care extends the life of your strap on sex toys and ensures they remain body-safe for continued use. Clean your dildo thoroughly after each use with warm water and mild soap or a dedicated toy cleaner. Silicone dildos can be boiled for 3-5 minutes for complete sterilisation, which is particularly important if sharing between partners.
Harness care depends on the material. Fabric harnesses can typically be machine washed in a lingerie bag. Leather harnesses should be wiped down with a damp cloth and treated with leather conditioner periodically. Silicone or rubber harnesses can be washed with soap and water.
Store your strap on components separately in a cool, dry place away from direct sunlight. Keep silicone dildos away from other silicone toys, as they can react with each other and degrade over time.
Building Your Strap-On Collection
Many people find that their strap on needs evolve over time. You might start with a basic harness and small dildo, then add different sizes, shapes, or styles as you gain experience and discover preferences. Having multiple dildos that work with the same harness allows for variety without requiring multiple complete setups.
Consider building your collection gradually, investing in quality pieces that will last rather than purchasing many inexpensive items that may not perform well or last long. Quality strap ons are an investment in your intimate life that can provide years of pleasure and exploration.
Final Thoughts
Choosing your first strap on can feel overwhelming, but focusing on quality, comfort, and communication will set you up for success. Start with a well-fitted, adjustable harness and a beginner-friendly dildo in a body-safe material. Prioritise open communication with your partner, take time to practice and explore, and remember that everyone's learning curve is different.
Strap on play offers incredible opportunities for intimacy, pleasure, and exploration regardless of your gender, orientation, or relationship dynamic. With the right equipment and approach, you can discover new dimensions of connection and satisfaction that enhance your intimate life in meaningful ways.
Ready to begin your strap on journey? Explore our carefully curated strap-on category to find quality harnesses and compatible dildos perfect for beginners and experienced users alike.