Introducing sex toys into your relationship can feel daunting, but it doesn't have to be. With the right approach, talking to your partner about trying sex toys can strengthen your intimacy, open up communication, and lead to exciting new experiences together. Here's how to start the conversation with confidence and care.
Why Communication About Sex Toys Matters
Open communication about sex toys and intimacy builds trust, deepens connection, and ensures both partners feel heard and respected. Discussing your desires and curiosities shows vulnerability and creates space for mutual exploration. When you talk to your partner about sex toys, you're not just suggesting a new product—you're inviting deeper intimacy.
How to Bring Up Sex Toys with Your Partner
Choose the Right Time and Place
Don't bring up sex toys during or immediately after intimacy. Instead, choose a relaxed, private moment when you're both comfortable and not distracted. A casual conversation over dinner or during a quiet evening at home works well. The key is creating a safe, pressure-free environment.
Start with Curiosity, Not Demands
Frame the conversation around curiosity and exploration rather than dissatisfaction. Try phrases like "I've been curious about trying something new together" or "I read an interesting article about couples exploring sex toys—what do you think?" This approach feels collaborative rather than critical.
Share Your Why
Explain what interests you about introducing sex toys for couples. Whether it's enhancing pleasure, trying new sensations, or simply having fun together, being honest about your motivations helps your partner understand your perspective. Emphasise that it's about adding to your intimacy, not replacing anything.
Addressing Common Concerns About Sex Toys in Relationships
"Does This Mean I'm Not Enough?"
This is one of the most common fears when partners suggest sex toys. Reassure your partner that sex toys are tools for shared pleasure, not replacements. Emphasise that you want to explore together and that this is about enhancing your connection, not compensating for anything lacking.
"I Don't Know Where to Start"
If your partner is open but unsure, suggest exploring together. Browse couples' sex toys online, read reviews, or check out beginner-friendly options. Making it a joint decision removes pressure and builds excitement.
"What If It's Awkward?"
Acknowledge that trying something new might feel awkward at first—and that's okay! Approach it with humour and patience. The goal is to have fun and learn together, not to achieve perfection on the first try.
Best Sex Toys for Couples to Try First
If you're both new to sex toys, start with beginner-friendly options designed for couples. Rechargeable vibrators are versatile and easy to use, while couples' massagers can enhance foreplay and intimacy. Explore our couples' collection for ideas that suit different preferences and comfort levels.
Tips for Introducing Sex Toys During Intimacy
Start Slow
Don't rush into using sex toys during your most intimate moments. Start with something simple, like a massage wand during foreplay, and gradually incorporate more as you both become comfortable.
Check In with Each Other
Communication doesn't stop once you've agreed to try sex toys. Check in during and after to see how your partner feels. Ask what they enjoyed, what they'd like to try differently, and how the experience felt for them.
Keep It Playful
Sex toys should add fun and pleasure to your relationship. Keep the mood light, laugh together if something doesn't go as planned, and remember that exploration is part of the journey.
What If Your Partner Says No?
If your partner isn't interested in trying sex toys, respect their boundaries. Don't pressure or guilt them into changing their mind. Instead, ask if there are other ways you could explore intimacy together. Sometimes, revisiting the conversation later—after they've had time to think—can lead to a different outcome.
Building Intimacy Through Open Communication
Whether or not you end up trying sex toys together, the act of having an open, honest conversation about your desires strengthens your relationship. It shows that you value your partner's feelings, trust them with your vulnerabilities, and are committed to growing together.
Frequently Asked Questions About Talking to Your Partner About Sex Toys
How do I bring up sex toys without making my partner feel insecure?
Focus on curiosity and shared exploration rather than dissatisfaction. Use "we" language ("I thought we could try...") and emphasise that it's about enhancing your connection together.
What if my partner thinks sex toys are weird or taboo?
Normalise the conversation by sharing that many couples use sex toys to enhance intimacy. You could also share educational resources or articles that discuss the benefits of sex toys in relationships.
Should I surprise my partner with a sex toy?
It's generally better to discuss it first rather than surprising them. Consent and communication are key to ensuring both partners feel comfortable and excited about trying something new.
What are the best sex toys for couples who are beginners?
Start with versatile, beginner-friendly options like bullet vibrators, rechargeable couples' vibrators, or massage wands. These are non-intimidating and can be used in multiple ways.
Ready to Explore Together?
Talking to your partner about trying sex toys is a brave and intimate step. Approach the conversation with openness, respect, and curiosity, and you'll create space for deeper connection and shared pleasure. Browse our couples' sex toys collection or explore our wellness essentials to find the perfect starting point for your journey together.